120 Questions to Ask Before Getting Engaged

Diving into a lifetime of togetherness begins with some heartfelt conversations and crucial insights into each other’s worlds.

Before you think of slipping that ring onto your beloved’s finger, it’s paramount to navigate through a series of soul-searching questions that cover the spectrum of life’s big topics.

From the personal to the practical, these thought-provoking questions will help illuminate the path you’re about to walk together, ensuring your readiness to take the plunge into engagement is as informed as it is romantic.

Personal Values and Beliefs

1. What values do you hold most important in life?
2. How do your beliefs influence your everyday decisions?
3. Are there any cultural or religious practices you want to uphold?
4. How willing are you to accommodate differences in our beliefs?
5. What role does spirituality or religion play in your life?
6. How do you prioritize work, family, and self-care?
7. What are your political views, and how strongly do you hold them?
8. How do you approach ethics and honesty in your personal and professional life?
9. How important is it for you to make a societal impact, and how do you plan to do it?
10. What is your stance on environmental issues and sustainability?
11. Can you share a life experience that profoundly shaped your values?
12. How do you feel about giving back to the community or charitable causes?
13. What traditions do you wish to continue or start in our life together?
14. How do you perceive equality in a relationship?
15. In what ways do you believe personal growth is important in our lives?

Future Plans and Goals

1. Where do you see yourself living in the long term?
2. How do you envision balancing career and family life?
3. What personal or professional goals are you currently working toward?
4. How do you plan to achieve these goals, and in what timeframe?
5. Do you aspire to have children, and if so, how many?
6. What is your perspective on retirement and financial planning for the future?
7. How would you handle unexpected major life changes or challenges?
8. How important is travel and adventure to you in the coming years?
9. Where do you stand on homeownership versus renting?
10. Are there any specific experiences or achievements you feel we should aim for as a couple?
11. How flexible are you about moving locations for career or family reasons?
12. What does a fulfilling life look like to you?
13. How do you plan to maintain physical and mental health as you age?
14. What do you hope to accomplish together in the next five years?
15. How important is continuing education or personal development to you?

Finance and Career

1. How do you manage your finances, and what is your approach to budgeting?
2. What are your salary expectations and career ambitions for the future?
3. How do you perceive debt, and what are your strategies for dealing with it?
4. Would you be willing to merge our finances after marriage?
5. How do we plan to save or invest for big life events?
6. What are your expectations regarding financial contributions to the household?
7. How much financial risk are you comfortable taking with investments?
8. Do you have any current financial obligations or responsibilities (e.g., supporting family members)?
9. What is your philosophy on splurging versus saving?
10. How do we plan to prioritize financial goals such as retirement, travel, or buying a home?
11. Are there any career choices you would avoid for the sake of financial stability?
12. How do you plan to handle a potential loss of income?
13. How much financial transparency do you expect in our relationship?
14. What’s your outlook on supporting each other through career transitions?
15. How do you feel about loaning money to friends or family?

Family and Relationships

1. What is your relationship like with your immediate and extended family?
2. How often would you want us to visit or accommodate family members?
3. How do you handle conflicts or disagreements within your family?
4. What role do you expect our families to play in our married life?
5. How should we approach dividing time between our families during holidays?
6. What are your thoughts on parenting styles and philosophies?
7. How would you want to handle it if we faced fertility challenges?
8. Do you have any concerns about blending our families?
9. How important is it to you to cultivate friendships outside of our relationship?
10. How do we set boundaries with family and friends within our relationship?
11. What is your opinion on family traditions and creating new ones?
12. How can we ensure that both of our families feel respected and included?
13. How do you feel about caring for aging relatives?
14. What are your thoughts on adoption or foster care?
15. How do we keep our relationship strong in the face of external family pressures?

Communication and Conflict Resolution

1. How do you handle stress and communicate when under pressure?
2. What has been your approach to resolving conflicts in past relationships?
3. What are your expectations around communication frequency and mode (texts, calls, etc.)?
4. How can we constructively discuss issues that might arise between us?
5. What are your non-negotiables when it comes to arguments?
6. How much space or time do you need after a disagreement before talking it out?
7. How do you feel about the role of counseling or therapy in a relationship?
8. How would you want us to address grievances about each other’s friends or family?
9. What’s your approach to discussing sensitive topics like sex, expectations, and boundaries?
10. How do you believe misunderstandings should be handled?
11. In your view, what’s the most effective way to apologize and make amends?
12. How do you perceive the importance of listening in a relationship?
13. Are you comfortable with being open and vulnerable when discussing feelings?
14. What strategies can we employ to prevent misunderstandings?
15. How will we ensure we maintain an honest and open dialogue over the years?

Personal Habits and Lifestyle

1. What does your ideal daily routine look like, and how flexible is it?
2. How much significance do you place on leisure and downtime?
3. What are your eating habits, and are there dietary preferences or restrictions we should consider?
4. How tidy or organized do you consider yourself to be?
5. What role do fitness and physical health play in your life?
6. How much value do you put on personal space and privacy?
7. Do you have any habits that could potentially be a point of contention between us?
8. How do you like to celebrate important milestones or accomplishments?
9. What type of social activities do you enjoy most?
10. How do the activities you enjoy align with those that I enjoy?
11. Do you have any ongoing hobbies or interests that you’d like to share or continue independently?
12. How do you balance demanding work hours with your personal life?
13. Are there any lifestyle changes you’re planning or would like to make in the future?
14. How important is it for you to incorporate travel or adventure into our lifestyle?
15. What are your thoughts on pets and animals in the home?

Love and Commitment

1. How do you define commitment within a relationship?
2. What do you believe are the foundational elements of a successful marriage?
3. How do you show love and affection in a relationship?
4. What acts or gestures make you feel most loved and appreciated?
5. What are your thoughts on monogamy and exclusivity?
6. How can we maintain romance and passion over the long term?
7. What are your views on the role of intimacy in our relationship?
8. How do you deal with attraction to others while in a committed relationship?
9. How important is it to you to stay connected and invested as life gets busier?
10. What does it mean to you to be a supportive partner?
11. How would you like to navigate periods of personal growth or change within our relationship?
12. How do you feel about the concept of soulmates or destiny in love?
13. What can we do to ensure we never take each other for granted?
14. What does ‘forsaking all others’ mean to you in the context of engagement and marriage?
15. How do you intend to prioritize our relationship amid other responsibilities?

Health and Well-being

1. How do you approach healthcare and maintaining good health?
2. What are your beliefs about mental health and emotional well-being?
3. How do you typically address health challenges or concerns?
4. Are there any health issues or genetic conditions that could affect our future family?
5. How do we support each other in achieving and maintaining a healthy lifestyle?
6. How important is it for you to have regular physical check-ups?
7. How do you manage stress and its impact on your health?
8. What is your attitude towards mental health professionals like therapists or counselors?
9. How willing are you to discuss and manage potential mental health challenges?
10. How can we both contribute to a healthy home environment?
11. What is your approach to nutrition and food choices?
12. How do you prioritize self-care, and what does it involve for you?
13. How do you view habits like smoking, drinking alcohol, or drug use?
14. What role does sleep and rest play in your life, and how can we synchronize our patterns?
15. How do you perceive the balance between work, life, and health?

Frequently Asked Questions

How does discussing finances affect pre-engagement decisions?

Finance is a practical and critical aspect of any long-term commitment. Discussing it openly can prevent misunderstandings and set a clear path for financial planning, avoiding much stress and conflict down the line.

Is it necessary to discuss family and relationships when considering engagement?

Absolutely! Your families often play a significant role in your married life. Discuss how you will handle family dynamics, set boundaries, and how you envision your parents’ and relatives’ involvement in your joint life.

Why are lifestyle habits important to discuss before engagement?

Ensuring that you can live comfortably together and respect each other’s habits is key to a harmonious life. Discussing and accepting each other’s lifestyles can help prevent friction that could otherwise escalate into bigger issues.

Final Thoughts

Wrapping up this deep dive into pre-engagement dialogue, remember that the questions posed here are more than just inquiries – they’re the building blocks of a transparent, robust, and enduring relationship.

It’s not about finding compatibility in every single answer but rather embracing the beauty of your unique differences and finding harmony within them.

By thoughtfully engaging with these topics now, you forge a connection that’s not only ready for the challenges of engagement but one that’s poised for a flourishing future, side by side.