160 Questions to Ask in a New Relationship

Relationships are all about communication. The more you communicate with your partner, the closer you will become. However, it can be difficult to think of things to say, especially if the relationship has just started.

That’s why I’ve put together a list of questions for each critical area of your blossoming partnership. These questions will help you get to know your partner better and open up lines of communication that might otherwise be left untapped.

Personal Values and Future Goals

1. What are your top three personal values?
2. Where do you see yourself in five years?
3. How important is career success to you?
4. Do you want children in the future?
5. How do you prioritize work-life balance?
6. What does financial stability mean to you?
7. How do you approach personal growth?
8. What are your long-term health and fitness goals?
9. What role does religion or spirituality play in your life?
10. How much do you value education and continuous learning?
11. Where do you stand on political and social issues?
12. Are you open to relocating for work or love?
13. How do you envision your life in retirement?
14. What’s one dream you’re working towards?
15. How do you define success?
16. What’s your stance on marriage and its importance?
17. Where do you see our relationship fitting into your future?
18. Do you have a plan for personal or professional development?
19. What charitable causes or community services do you value?
20. How would you prioritize family, career, and relationships?

Relationship Expectations

1. What do you consider a healthy relationship?
2. How much space or alone time do you need?
3. What are your expectations regarding commitment?
4. How do you express affection?
5. What are your views on monogamy versus open relationships?
6. How often do you like to communicate with your partner?
7. What are the most important qualities you look for in a partner?
8. How do you feel about public displays of affection?
9. What’s your love language?
10. How do you approach conflict in a relationship?
11. What actions or behaviors make you feel loved?
12. What is your idea of a romantic gesture?
13. How important is sexual compatibility to you?
14. What level of importance do you place on holidays and anniversaries?
15. How do you prefer to spend quality time with a partner?
16. Do you think friendship is a foundation for a strong relationship?
17. How should responsibilities be divided within a relationship?
18. What would be a relationship deal-breaker for you?
19. How open are you to counseling or therapy if we encounter issues?
20. What’s the best way to support you when you’re going through a tough time?

Lifestyle and Habits

1. Are you an early bird or a night owl?
2. What’s your daily routine like?
3. How important is fitness and exercise to you?
4. How do you like to relax after a stressful day?
5. What are your eating habits like?
6. How do you handle money and budgeting?
7. How often do you enjoy socializing versus having a quiet night in?
8. Do you have any habits you’re trying to change or improve?
9. How do you prioritize tasks and manage time?
10. What’s your approach to health and wellness?
11. How tidy or organized do you consider yourself?
12. How often do you travel for pleasure?
13. How involved are you with social media and technology?
14. What kind of shopper are you – impulsive or planned?
15. How frequently do you drink alcohol or attend parties?
16. How do you typically spend your weekends?
17. What’s your stance on drug use, whether recreational or medicinal?
18. How important is it for you to have a routine?
19. Do you have any hobbies that take up a significant amount of your time?
20. How do you handle stress and pressure?

Past Experiences

1. What have you learned from your past relationships?
2. Have you ever lived with a partner, and what was that like?
3. What’s one of your fondest memories from childhood?
4. Have you had any life-changing experiences?
5. What past difficulties have shaped who you are today?
6. How do you feel about your past dating experiences?
7. What’s the biggest risk you’ve ever taken?
8. Have you ever had to overcome a significant obstacle or hardship?
9. How do you usually handle breakups or heartache?
10. What were the highlights and lowlights of your last year?
11. Do you have any regrets, and how do you deal with them?
12. How has your upbringing influenced your outlook on life?
13. What was your last major accomplishment that you were proud of?
14. Are there any life lessons you’ve learned the hard way?
15. What types of situations make you feel vulnerable?
16. Have you ever been in love, and how would you describe the experience?
17. What historical events have had an impact on your life?
18. What’s an adventure you’ve had that you still think about today?
19. How have your career choices evolved over the years?
20. What’s a challenge you’ve recently faced, and how did you manage it?

Communication and Conflict Resolution

1. How do you prefer to communicate: texts, calls, or face-to-face?
2. What’s your approach to discussing difficult topics?
3. How do you know when to compromise and when to stand firm?
4. How do you express disagreement?
5. How would you handle a misunderstanding in the relationship?
6. In what ways do you think listening is important in communication?
7. How do you feel about secrets or omissions in a relationship?
8. Can you tell me about a time when you resolved a conflict effectively?
9. What do you find most challenging about communicating in relationships?
10. How do you show empathy when someone is upset?
11. What’s your view on giving and receiving constructive criticism?
12. How do we ensure open and honest communication?
13. How do you deal with anger or frustration when it arises?
14. Are you comfortable talking about your feelings?
15. What would you do if you felt misunderstood by your partner?
16. How do you prefer to resolve issues: immediately or after some time to think?
17. Do you believe in setting rules for communication in a relationship?
18. How do you approach forgiveness after a conflict?
19. What steps do you take to rebuild trust if it’s been broken?
20. What role do you think patience plays in communication?

Family and Friendship Dynamics

1. How close are you with your family members?
2. What role does your family play in your day-to-day life?
3. How do you handle conflicts within your family?
4. How often do you spend time with friends?
5. What do you value most in friendships?
6. How do you maintain long-term friendships?
7. Do your family and friends generally have an influence on your relationships?
8. How important is it for your partner to get along with your friends and family?
9. How do you feel about spending holidays with family?
10. What traditions or values from your family do you want to carry on?
11. Do you have any close relationships that significantly impact your life?
12. How do you handle it when a friend or family member disapproves of your relationship?
13. What’s the best way to introduce each other to our families?
14. How do you prioritize time between family, friends, and your partner?
15. How do you support your friends and family in times of need?
16. What’s your view on the role of in-laws in your life?
17. How do you navigate your social life when you’re in a relationship?
18. Do you have any friends from the opposite sex, and how do you handle those friendships?
19. How would you feel about caring for parents or relatives in old age?
20. How do you celebrate successes and milestones with your family and friends?

Interests and Passions

1. What hobbies and activities are you passionate about?
2. Is there something new you’ve always wanted to try?
3. How much of a priority are your hobbies?
4. What kinds of music, movies, or books do you enjoy most?
5. Do you prefer indoor activities or outdoor adventures?
6. Have you ever volunteered or done work that was important to you?
7. What topic could you spend hours talking about?
8. Do you play any sports or follow any teams?
9. How much do you enjoy arts and cultural events?
10. What creative outlets do you explore, if any?
11. Are there places you’d like to travel to and explore?
12. What are some experiences you consider essential for personal fulfillment?
13. What projects or goals are you working on outside of work?
14. How do you incorporate your interests into your daily life?
15. Do you have any collections or special mementos that mean a lot to you?
16. How do you stay updated or involved in your areas of interest?
17. What events or gatherings do you look forward to each year?
18. How do you like to celebrate accomplishments and special occasions?
19. What experience has been most influential in developing your passions?
20. How would you like to share or experience our hobbies together?

Boundaries and Deal-Breakers

1. What are some of your non-negotiables in a relationship?
2. How do you feel about your partner having passwords to your devices?
3. How much privacy do you need in a relationship?
4. What are your thoughts on sharing finances with a partner?
5. How do you assert your boundaries when they are crossed?
6. How do you handle it if someone doesn’t respect your boundaries?
7. What behaviors in a relationship are you unwilling to tolerate?
8. How soon do you think is appropriate to discuss boundaries in a new relationship?
9. What’s your stance on maintaining friendships with exes?
10. How do you feel about your partner having close friendships with the opposite sex?
11. What would you do if you and your partner had a fundamental disagreement?
12. How would you handle a situation where your personal or work life was intruding on our time together?
13. What’s your perspective on mental health and seeking support?
14. How do you feel about discussing past relationships with your current partner?
15. What would make you reconsider the relationship?
16. How much space do you need to maintain your sense of self in a relationship?
17. How do you feel about your partner going on trips or vacations without you?
18. How do you express yourself when you feel smothered or need more attention?
19. Are there any topics you consider off-limits for joking or teasing?
20. How much influence should our respective families have on our relationship decisions?

Frequently Asked Questions

Final Thoughts

No matter how well you think you know someone, there’s always more to learn. And as they say, communication is key in any relationship—romantic or otherwise.

By asking these questions early on in your new relationship, you’re setting the foundation for a solid partnership based on mutual understanding and respect. So get to know your new partner better—you may be surprised at what you learn!